I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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