You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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