I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
This is classic penis vs brain.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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