he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
