I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
