end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
