the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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