I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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