Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
