Me too!
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
