she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
