what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
