Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
