when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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