im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
