Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
