why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He had one of those small greek statue penises
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
