So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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