My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
