Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
