make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
