You're my little dorito
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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