I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize