That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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