So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
