Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
