just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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