This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
