Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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