For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
