you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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