Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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