Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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