After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
