the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
