remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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