I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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