i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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