I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
