did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
