The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
