remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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