1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
