If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
