i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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