My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
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just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
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