I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I could fuck to npr.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
