i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
