Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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