Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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