If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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