Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
