i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
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