only you would photoshop your dick
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
