i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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