This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
