Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
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