He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
