im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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