Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
