I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
