remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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