Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i need some magic done to my vagina
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
