I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize