speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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